by Hosanna David | Nov 17, 2020 | Relationships
For many Christians in courtship, the level of intimacy has always been a topic of confusion, we all know that intimacy is what helps in building strong bonds, and for Christians who are courting, building a strong bond before marriage Is important. Now many courting couples are usually confused on this based on the physical aspect of intimacy, but it is important to note that intimacy is not just about the physical bonding, but about spiritual, emotional and psychological bonding.
The English dictionary defines intimacy as a feeling or atmosphere of closeness, towards someone, that doesn’t necessarily involve sexuality. This therefore means that intimacy is far beyond physical bonding. For Christian couples in courtship, there is the need and importance for intimacy, especially in the spiritual, emotional and psychological areas, there is the need for a deep connection and bonding between the intending couples, although if boundaries are not properly put in place, intimacy could lead to unintended ugly results, especially in the physical aspects.
We are going to be solely focused on the physical level of intimacy on this article, this is because there is need for more light to be shed on the appropriate level of physical intimacy, this intimacy or bonding needs more boundaries then any other forms of intimacy, or else sexual immorality could very well easily seep into the bonding process.
Now physical intimacy involves all the physical show of affection care, encouragement, love and affirmation and these includes, hugs, pats, light cuddling, pecks, forehead kisses, and so many other forms of affection. It is necessary and important for courting couples to understand that these physical show of affections and care are to be shown or done without anything remotely sexual in mind. The bible tells us to greet one another with a ‘holy kiss’ (Romans 16:16, 1 Thessalonians 5:6, 1 Corinthians 15:20) this ‘holy kiss’ better relates to all forms of physical show of affection and care that is not sexual in any way.
When these physical shows of intimacy are not put in boundaries, they could turn wild for example, pecks and light kisses could turn into deep French kissing, light cuddling could turn into heavy petting and fondling, and all these can easily get one sexually aroused, and then sex happens. One major thing to note is that in the bid to avoid going past boundaries in courtship, Christians should not shun out any form of intimacy in their relationship, because this is important in building strong bonds like earlier stated.
In creating these boundaries, courting Christians must first know what easily gets their partners aroused, and they can get these information by communicating with their partners, for some persons, they can’t go past the stage of holding hands, because anything relatively closer or more intimate like hugging, pecks, could get them sexually excited. For other persons, hugs and pecks do not get them sexually excited about their partners, so before these boundaries can be set, partners must first know each other’s weaknesses, for example if you know that that tight embraces easily gets your partner aroused, you would try to limit giving hugs, and especially in private places.
Another thing to do is to make sure that parts of the body which can be highly sensitive for both partners should be avoided. Like earlier stated, the best way to ensure these boundaries is for Christians in courtship to talk about each other’s weakness, and strength, so that one person doesn’t lead the other to sin.
Most importantly, Christian couples should know and understand that Godly relationships do not have to be completely empty of any kind of physical intimacy, but they should know that whatever forms of intimacy that is being initiated should and must glorify God.
Just to be clear, it is advisable that any form of intimacy beyond hugs, forehead kisses, pecks on the cheeks, light cuddling, holding of hands, should be avoided, some people may say that light pecks on the lips are ok, but I say otherwise, because light kisses on the lips could one day turn into something else, after all kissing is basically intentionally putting one’s flesh up for temptation, and that is not a very wise decision as Christians.
Lastly Christian couples should pray and seek God’s face in their relationship, and ask for the holy spirit who is the great guide and teacher to guide them and to help them not fall into temptations.
by Hosanna David | Aug 5, 2020 | News & Views
A 70 years old man has been arrested by the Niger state police for allegedly raping an 8 year old girl in Minna, Niger State. The man who was identified as Mohammed Sani Umar (Tela) committed the hideous act in Chanchaga area of the state.
It was gathered that Umar had raped the girl twice and had given her the sum of eighty Naira to keep silent about the incident. The girl’s uncle who was identified as Abubakar on narration said that his niece fell sick for a few weeks and despite many treatments she was still not getting well, a neighbor then advised the mother to observe the girl, and after some days, the mother noticed some blood stains in her daughter’s underwear. She asked her what happened to her and the little girl took her mother to the man’s house and pointed at him.
On seeing the girl and her mother, the man started pleading with them to cover it up, and that he would take responsibility. The angry and devastated mother on hearing this started crying and shouting for help, which prompted people to gather around and on hearing what happened, an angry mob descended on him, beating him up mercilessly.
Umar was further handed to police custody, with the family of the victim pleading that justice be served.
According to Sahara reporters, Umar admitted before a magistrate court on Wednesday that he raped the little girl twice because he loved her. The magistrate following the request of the prosecution, adjourned the case until July 23 and ordered the suspect to be remanded at the Minna new prison.
We must not forget God’s original purpose of creating sex. Raping minors is not part of God’s purpose. The incessant increase of rape cases, especially of minors, and sexual immorality all over the world show clearly that man is rapidly drifting away from God and heading to destruction. God’s judgment is eminent. There is therefore the urgent need for repentance.
by Hosanna David | Jun 22, 2020 | Masturbation, Pornography
Sexual sins and addictions, undoubtedly, have a very firm grip on this generation. It is God’s will that we live in freedom and in purity. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 say, “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God”
Below are four ways we can overcome sexual sins and addictions. To get the full teaching I advise you watch playlist below:
PRAYER: Prayer renews your body and mind through the fire of the Holy Spirit, scare away demons of lust and evil desires. Prayers breaks demonic chains of sexual captivity and gives you the power of self-control. In your prayers bind monitoring demons and every evil projections that lead to committing sin.
FASTING: Fasting fuels your prayers spiritually. It makes prayers to move with unusual strength, subdues your flesh and uplifts your spirit. Fasting subjects your body and sexual urge under the control of the spirit man.
THE WORD OF GOD: The word of God purifies your heart of evil thoughts. It teaches you the right way of escape and gives you the authority to resist the devil. In fact, it is stressful and almost impossible to overcome sexual sins if you do not have the word of God in you. There’s power in the word of God.
Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”
STAY AWAY FROM TEMPTATION: This is a very important tool in overcoming fornication and adultery. Avoid the one that brings you downfall. The physical presence of the one that wants to bring you temptation should be avoided especially in unsafe or lonely places.
When the devil knows that you
are weak towards someone, he would assign demons to monitor you. These demons project
evil thoughts into your heart and try to saturate your mind with sexual
thoughts towards the person. Whenever you are together the demons come around
and propel you, through a supernatural force, towards committing sexual sin
with the person. If at all you must unavoidably be with such a person make sure
the place is safe. Also pray always in your mind as long as both of you stay
together. If music is allowed in such a place, play a Christian song. This
elevates the spirit above the desires of the flesh and increases the power of
self-control.
by Hosanna David | Jun 22, 2020 | Sexual Purity, Sexuality
Lots of emails have rolled into my inbox concerning this topic. Many people want to know the truth about what is actually right for practice and what shouldn’t be done on the Christian marriage bed. Sex is holy, therefore, unholy practices should not be practiced in a holy matrimony. In this world where many people learn the act of sex from immoral sources like pornography, premarital sexual relationships, sexual orgies, etc., it is very important to state clearly what is morally right and what is immoral. Hebrews 13:4 says “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
Missionary Sex Position: This is face-to-face sex position with the man on top. It is called “missionary position” because missionaries of old taught their converts that missionary sex position is the only morally accepted position Christians should have sex.
Although it is not written in the Bible, in the wisdom of the missionaries of old the teaching of having sex only in missionary position was adopted. This, in a way, was to set a standard and landmark for marital sex for their converts, many of whom, were into different types of sexual practices. These new converts were from different religious and cultural backgrounds with different immoral sexual practices. There was the need to set a “standard” for the new converts and make them get rid of immoral and animalistic practices.
My View on Sex Position: Before I air my opinion I have to state very clearly that some of the early missionaries were wrongly influenced by the Roman Catholic Church false view of abstinence, purity, marriage and sex. The Roman Catholic Church is a mixture of pagan practices and modified practices of the Holy Bible. For instance, many of the teachings of St Augustine, Bishop of Hippo, are not correct. He taught that sex in marriage should be had only for the purpose of procreation,[1] encouraged married couples to refrain from sexual intercourse as a way of exercising spiritual discipline[2] and as a way to hasten Christ’s return[3], he connected the original sin to sexual intercourse[4] [5], etc. Early fathers like Tatian the Syrian (ca. 120-180)[6], Clement of Alexandria (ca. 150-215)[7] and Irenaeus of Lyons (ca. 140-202)[8] all held some wrong views of the original sin by connecting it to sexual intercourse. These are unbiblical and heretic.
Many early and a few modern teachings present marital sex as “necessary evil” that must be had for the sole purpose of procreation. The unfair repression of the gift of sex to humankind has led to confusion and “rebellion” among Christians who later find out that some of these teachings are manmade. The bad side of it is that, since many Christians feel that the Church is shying away from the truth they turned to different sources of information, of which many contain unbiblical practices that are even against nature.
Sex is holy and it should be had in a holy manner, and not to fulfill the lust or cravings of the flesh but for marital fulfillment and natural purposes. The Bible says: “Let all things be done decently and in order” (1 Co 14:40 KJV). We as God’s children should know that “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God” (1 Thess. 4:3-5 NIV).
It is very true that some modern Christians no longer attach any sense of morality to the types of activities they carry out on their matrimonial bed. This is wrong! This is partly because some of them learn the act of sex from sexual immoral acts like pornography, Karma Sutra and the like. Quickly, I need to also add that it is not right for a Christian to read or practice Karma Sutra because it is a religious sex book that contains a lot of immoral practices that are against our Christian faith.
Generally speaking, sex position is determined by various factors ranging moral sense of judgment, personal health to what couples deem suitable and enjoyable. Sex is a gift from God enjoyed in marriage only. Personally I don’t see anything wrong with couples having sex in different positions other than missionary. However, I must not fail to stress that sex is holy and it should therefore be treated as such. Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Sex should be had respectfully and not in a way that should humiliates a partner or in an animalistic manner. Positions that are animalistic, injurious and abusive should not be taken to the bed of a holy marriage. It is sinful to lose the sense of morality in course of pursuing pleasure. Also, sex positions that are practiced to release spiritual energy and are ritualistic (as taught and practiced by some religions) should be avoided.
Sex is not a dirty act that we should regard as “necessary evil” but a gift from God created not just for procreation but also for the enjoyment of humankind in a holy matrimony. Limiting sex positions to only missionary could lead to several complications. For instance, missionary sex position could be impracticable for a man with deformity, couples with ill health, fat couples with their stomach getting in the way, etc. Unfair repression of morally right sexual pleasures in marriage leads to adultery, sexual repression, guilt, quarrels in marriage, lack of intimacy, divorce, loss of faith in Christianity, search for knowledge from unchristian sources, etc.
Featured image credit: onhealth.com
[1] St. Augustine, “The Good of Marriage,” in Theology and Sexuality: Classic and Contemporary Readings, ed. Eugene F. Rogers Jr. (Malden: Blackwell, 2002), 71.
[2] St. Augustine, “The Good of Marriage,”73.
[3] St. Augustine, “The Good of Marriage,” 79.
[4] Pagels, Adam, Even and the Serpent, 80.
[5] Pagels, Adam, Even and the Serpent, 109.
[6] Pagels, Adam, Even and the Serpent, 27.
[7] Pagels, Adam, Even and the Serpent, 32.
[8] Pagels, Adam, Even and the Serpent, 32
by Hosanna David | May 5, 2020 | Sexual Purity
The Bible makes it very clear that God hates adultery. Exodus 20:14 says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” According to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy‘s current infidelity statistics
- 57% of men overall admit to committing infidelity at some point in their lives
- 54% of women overall admit to committing infidelity in one or more of their relationships
- 22% of married men admit to having an affair at least once during their marriages
- 14% of married women admit to having an affair at least once during their marriages
Unfortunately for the cheaters who believe that it is impossible to be faithful in marriage, during the lockdown many do not have the opportunity to cheat. So, finally, those who cheat are forcefully kept indoors too and away from cheating? But didn’t they say that it is not good for a man (including some women) to eat only one type of food? But now that they are not eating their “varieties and mixtures” as usual, how many of them have died because of this forced faithfulness?
So, finally, cheaters are locked indoors too, and they are now eating only one type of food? Where are those who travel up and down in the name of attending business meetings that never exist, just because they want to cheat? Is it not clear to you now that your wife/husband is enough for you?
It’s time to learn from this lockdown that has kept cheaters indoors in order to better your marriage life. This is a call on all unfaithful partners to repent. Please watch the video above.
Image: Getty
