Lots of emails have rolled into my inbox concerning this topic. Many people want to know the truth about what is actually right for practice and what shouldn’t be done on the Christian marriage bed. Sex is holy, therefore, unholy practices should not be practiced in a holy matrimony. In this world where many people learn the act of sex from immoral sources like pornography, premarital sexual relationships, sexual orgies, etc., it is very important to state clearly what is morally right and what is immoral. Hebrews 13:4 says “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
Missionary Sex Position: This is face-to-face sex position with the man on top. It is called “missionary position” because missionaries of old taught their converts that missionary sex position is the only morally accepted position Christians should have sex.
Although it is not written in the Bible, in the wisdom of the missionaries of old the teaching of having sex only in missionary position was adopted. This, in a way, was to set a standard and landmark for marital sex for their converts, many of whom, were into different types of sexual practices. These new converts were from different religious and cultural backgrounds with different immoral sexual practices. There was the need to set a “standard” for the new converts and make them get rid of immoral and animalistic practices.
My View on Sex Position: Before I air my opinion I have to state very clearly that some of the early missionaries were wrongly influenced by the Roman Catholic Church false view of abstinence, purity, marriage and sex. The Roman Catholic Church is a mixture of pagan practices and modified practices of the Holy Bible. For instance, many of the teachings of St Augustine, Bishop of Hippo, are not correct. He taught that sex in marriage should be had only for the purpose of procreation, encouraged married couples to refrain from sexual intercourse as a way of exercising spiritual discipline and as a way to hasten Christ’s return, he connected the original sin to sexual intercourse, etc. Early fathers like Tatian the Syrian (ca. 120-180), Clement of Alexandria (ca. 150-215) and Irenaeus of Lyons (ca. 140-202) all held some wrong views of the original sin by connecting it to sexual intercourse. These are unbiblical and heretic.
Many early and a few modern teachings present marital sex as “necessary evil” that must be had for the sole purpose of procreation. The unfair repression of the gift of sex to humankind has led to confusion and “rebellion” among Christians who later find out that some of these teachings are manmade. The bad side of it is that, since many Christians feel that the Church is shying away from the truth they turned to different sources of information, of which many contain unbiblical practices that are even against nature.
Sex is holy and it should be had in a holy manner, and not to fulfill the lust or cravings of the flesh but for marital fulfillment and natural purposes. The Bible says: “Let all things be done decently and in order” (1 Co 14:40 KJV). We as God’s children should know that “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God” (1 Thess. 4:3-5 NIV).
It is very true that some modern Christians no longer attach any sense of morality to the types of activities they carry out on their matrimonial bed. This is wrong! This is partly because some of them learn the act of sex from sexual immoral acts like pornography, Karma Sutra and the like. Quickly, I need to also add that it is not right for a Christian to read or practice Karma Sutra because it is a religious sex book that contains a lot of immoral practices that are against our Christian faith.
Generally speaking, sex position is determined by various factors ranging moral sense of judgment, personal health to what couples deem suitable and enjoyable. Sex is a gift from God enjoyed in marriage only. Personally I don’t see anything wrong with couples having sex in different positions other than missionary. However, I must not fail to stress that sex is holy and it should therefore be treated as such. Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Sex should be had respectfully and not in a way that should humiliates a partner or in an animalistic manner. Positions that are animalistic, injurious and abusive should not be taken to the bed of a holy marriage. It is sinful to lose the sense of morality in course of pursuing pleasure. Also, sex positions that are practiced to release spiritual energy and are ritualistic (as taught and practiced by some religions) should be avoided.
Sex is not a dirty act that we should regard as “necessary evil” but a gift from God created not just for procreation but also for the enjoyment of humankind in a holy matrimony. Limiting sex positions to only missionary could lead to several complications. For instance, missionary sex position could be impracticable for a man with deformity, couples with ill health, fat couples with their stomach getting in the way, etc. Unfair repression of morally right sexual pleasures in marriage leads to adultery, sexual repression, guilt, quarrels in marriage, lack of intimacy, divorce, loss of faith in Christianity, search for knowledge from unchristian sources, etc.
Featured image credit: onhealth.com
 St. Augustine, “The Good of Marriage,” in Theology and Sexuality: Classic and Contemporary Readings, ed. Eugene F. Rogers Jr. (Malden: Blackwell, 2002), 71.
Is sex in itself a dirty act? Sex is one of the most wrongly defined things in the world today. This is because many people don’t really know what sex is. Many people don’t like to address any topic that concerns sex because they feel sex is a “dirty thing” that shouldn’t be discussed. Is this right?
God, through His grace, has made me a very strong voice in the Church against sexual immorality. As a result I address sexual issues a lot. One of the challenges I have is that many people see me as a “sinner” for addressing such a topic.
Is sex really “dirty”?
God is a Holy God. The man God created in His own image and likeness, in whom God put His very life (breath) during creation, is also a holy man. It is for the same man God created sex. Through sex man participates in God’s work of creation by “creating” holy human beings who look exactly like the first man God created out of dust, who was like God Himself.
The simple answer to the question is: sex is holy. The Bible says this concerning sex:
”Marriage is honourable in all, and the BED UNDEFILED: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4).
“Undefiled” here means holy. “Bed” (“or marriage bed”, as some translations put it) here represents “marital sex”. This simply means that God created marital sex (marriage bed) for the a man and a woman that are lawfully married. As a result, the “bed” must be kept “undefiled”, holy, without spots, because the act itself is holy, “undefiled.”
God is a holy God and He cannot give an unholy activity to a holy man which He created in His own image and likeness (Gen. 1:26-28), in whom the spirit of God dwells comfortably – God’s holy temple (2Cor. 6:16), with which and upon which we offer living, holy and acceptable sacrifices to God (Romans 12:1).
The Spirit of God lives in our bodies constantly and we are never told by God that His Spirit leaves the bodies of His children whenever they are sleeping with their husbands or wives. What makes sex dirty is when it is had in an unholy manner. Sex is a holy gift from God. But when people abuse sex it becomes unholy, which leads to defilement of both their bodies, spirits and souls. Sex does not drive away the Spirit of God from man but sexual immorality does. Sexual immorality like fornication, adultery, bestiality, homosexuality, etc. drives away the Spirit of God within a twinkle of an eye.
Here is what the Bible says concerning this:
“Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are” (1 Cor. 3:16-17 KJV).
People see sex as an unholy and dirty act because majority of humans on earth abuse sex, before and in marriage. This makes them have wrong views about sex, and as a result they are laden with guilt in their hearts perpetually. This is one of the reasons we must keep to the standard the Bible dictates to us, which is SEXUAL PURITY.
The Bible is very much clear in addressing the sin of sodomy, which, I believe, no Spirit-led Bible-believing Christian will argue against; but the issue now is: is anal sex sin if it is had in marriage between a husband (man) and his wife (woman)?
Let’s first define what anal sex is. Anal sex is a man putting his penis into the anus. It is taking anus for vagina. This is sodomy! It is sin! This is not natural, and it is not biblical sex. Biblical sex is holy but anal sex is immoral.
God created anus for excreting waste, not for sex. This is sexual immorality. The Bible condemns this.
“If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.” (Leviticus 20:13).
“You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.”( Leviticus 18:22).
“For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person — such a man is an idolater — has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” (Eph. 5:5).
From the above Bible verses it is very clear that God hates sodomy (anal sex).
The simple truth is this: God created vagina for sex while anus is created for faeces. Know that
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Heb. 13:4).
Honour your marriage and keep it pure from all forms of sexual immorality.
How many parents will feel comfortable to hear their child ask them: “Mummy/Daddy, what is sex?” I tell you, many parents will become embarrassed (and probably confused) to the extent that some may not have any answer to give, or even divert the attention of the child by raising another topic. Trust parents; some may even shout and ask the child to keep quiet.
We know that the world we live in today sees the definition of sex as a personal thing. This is totally wrong! Sex was created by God therefore it has a definite definition, which is after to its original design and purpose, as ordained by God the Creator and Giver in the beginning.
Human sexuality is a very complicated and controversial topic today. But the fact is: modern civilization and the prevalent sexualization of man has nothing to do with the Truth that has been revealed in the Holy Bible.
What is Sex?
Let’s first of all explore some definitions. The word “sex” encompasses many different types of sexual activities. The Oxford Advance Learner’s Dictionary defines sex as “physical activity between two people in which they touch each other’s sexual organs, and which may include sexual intercourse”.
Sex is also said to be “the act of sexual procreation between a man and a woman; …any act of touching intimately with stimulation giving excitement to a partner, male or female” (wikianswers.com).
Personally, I see sex as “a divinely ordained emotional physical activity of bodily union between a husband and his wife for the purpose of procreation and mutual pleasure, through which they become one flesh. We can also say that sex is any activity between a man and a woman that causes full sexual arousal and gives sexual satisfaction, which may or may not include sexual intercourse.”
There are many sexual activities that many of our youths do no consider as “SEX”. Many have been deceived to walk in sexual immorality because of their corrupt view of sex.
There are various ways Satan uses sex against humanity today. Therefore what sex is should be clearly defined. Many are in different demonic bondage because of their disobedience and ignorance about what sex is and how it should be had and how it should not be engaged in. The video below will tell you much about this.
Your own views and comments would be highly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
A married man emailed me and specifically requested me to pray to God to get answer from the Lord for him, if it is right in the sight of God for couples to have video sex and masturbate. He explained that he works hundreds of miles away from home. They both engaged in it as a means of satisfying their sexual needs since his job keeps him at a distance of hundreds of miles away from his wife.
I prayed about this issue and inquired from God if it is right for a husband and wife to have video sex. God told me it is totally wrong.
God described it as, “an act on which hangs many other wrong and unholy activities that God hates.”
God told me that sex is one of the three main engines on which marriage runs: sex, God’s holy ordinance and love. Sex should therefore, be had in a manner that is natural without deviation and perversions.
WHY COUPLES SHOULDN’T HAVE VIDEO SEX
On my own I decided to bring out some of the reasons couples should not have video sex. (You are very much free to share your views in the comment box below).
Sex is a physical act: Sex is an undefiled bodily union between a man and his wife. Video sex does not involve physical body contact, which is a deviation from what sex is originally. Video sex allows you to have sex with the image of your spouse in your imagination and not with his or her body. The husband and the wife are only permitted to give to each other their bodies in sex not their images.
“The wife hath no power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife” (1 Cor. 7:4).
Sex should be private: Marital sex is strictly a private affair. It should start and end with the couple alone without the intrusion or involvement of any third party. Video sex removes this privacy. Your (internet) service provider who transmits your actions and conversations may have full access to all the sexual activities you both perform. This violates the nature of marital sex. You must not forget that one of the disadvantages of modern internet technology is spying on the privacy of users and eavesdropping on the conversations of users.
Risk of being blackmailed: Your sexual activities could be recorded by your service provider who could use it against you. There is nothing done over the internet or transmitted through secured encrypted transmission that has 100 percent privacy. Even our phone calls are being recorded. Spies could use this against you.
Video sex is pornography in disguise: Pornography is a movie, picture etc. that shows or describes naked people or sex in a very open and direct way in order to cause sexual excitement. When you have video sex with your spouse do not forget that most devices automatically record video calls and chats. Even a lot of people may like to record such activities so that they could play it over and over again whenever they want to. This is pornography! The tendency of acting out what you watch will become high with time, hereby leading to masturbation and lust – becoming pre-occupied with sexual thoughts.
5. It could leak into the internet: Unfortunately, such a video could leak out of your phone or computer and land on the internet! You would be surprised to find out that what you thought to be helping you to “stay away from adultery” would be feeding the lust of millions of people who surf for pornography over the internet. There are thousands of such videos “recorded innocently” that are being circulated online and offline. Such mistakes should not be made by Christians. Many people have committed suicide (and gone to Hell Fire) – because of such careless living – after they found out that thousands or millions have watched their recorded sexual activities. Remember that we are to let our light shine before all men so that when people see our good works they will glorify our Father who is in Heaven (Matt. 5:6), and not do things that will bring shame and disgrace to us.
Such practices could lead to masturbation addiction: Masturbation addiction is a monster headed challenge on its own. This habit could in turn ruin your healthy sex life with your spouse.
Tendency to watch pornography: If you introduce video sex into your marriage, you could be inviting the temptation to patronize pornography.
One of the primary purposes of marriage is to avoid fornication. Hence every man is to “have his own wife and every woman have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2) but if your job creates distance between you and your wife for a long period of time, you are to rely on God’s providence of grace like Paul (1Cor.7:7; 9:5). If I may ask, “where there no faithful Christians who worked far away their matrimonial home before the arrival of video calls-enabled technology?” YES.! They existed! The same grace that saw them through is still very much available in our days too.
If it is convenient enough for you, you can also do it the way some of the Apostles were able to handle the challenge of physical separation by distance. Some of the Apostles traveled with their wives (1 Cor. 9:5).
It is also very necessary to communicate over the phone. An ordinary video call could even do better. This will go a long way to bridge the distance.
Pray together on phone. Some families separated by distance have their daily devotions together through the help of voice or video calls. This keeps partners close, though apart. This helps to give lots emotional satisfaction.